My weapon of choice was a creaking Dell Inspiron running Windows XP, its fan a constant, rattling prayer. I was nineteen, self-taught, and desperate to make album art for bands that didn't exist. The Master Bundle was my forbidden grimoire.

Xenofex 2 was for chaos. Constellation. Turn a portrait into a star chart of black holes. Crumple. A wedding photo? Not anymore—now it looked like it had been pulled from a trash compactor on the Death Star. Electrify. Blue-white forks of lightning crawling from a girl’s eye. My friends said, "That's cool." They didn’t understand that I wasn't editing photos; I was corrupting them.

Inside: Eye Candy 5, Xenofex 2, Splat!, Image Doctor, and the holy grail, Exposure 2.

The crack—the "-hufc-" part—was unstable. Every few hours, a dialogue box would flicker, warning of a "counterfeit license." If I didn't click "Ignore" within three seconds, the whole suite would shut down with a digital shrug. So I worked fast. I saved constantly. I learned to live with the sword of Damocles hanging over my taskbar.