“The Brisket Face ,” you reply. “Low and slow. It’s fatty, forgiving, and has handholds shaped like burnt ends. The Sausage Link Spire is faster, but it twists. Beginners get spun around and end up back at breakfast.”

Here is your helpful story. You meet Pip at the Rind-Ridge Trailhead , where the air smells of hickory and danger.

A river of hot, peppered gravy erupts from a fissure above, cascading down the mountain. Pip freezes. You calmly deploy your Bread Baskets —small, reinforced rafts of sourdough crust that float on the gravy. You both climb aboard, paddling with rib bones until the flow subsides.

Pip looks back at the glistening peak. “Next time, the Pastrami Palisades ?”

Pip nods, sketching a map. “What do we climb?”

“ Gravy slide ,” you whisper. “Don’t move.”