I tried to flee to the stockroom. The door was locked from the inside. A tiny note taped to it read: “Welcome to your worst nightmare. Love, Karen from HR.”
I swallowed. “Ma’am, I’d recommend a soft-cup style for—”
“No! My daughter-in-law said ‘sex appeal.’ I’m going for eldritch glamour . Do you have anything with leather straps and a detachable cape?” The Lingerie Salesman S Worst Nightmare
She was in her late sixties, wore a floral housedress and orthopedic sneakers, and carried a binder labeled “Project: Grandbaby Shower.” Within seconds, she’d commandeered the fitting room and begun shouting questions I was not legally or emotionally prepared to answer.
“Young man! Does this balconette bra make my nipples look like radar dishes?” I tried to flee to the stockroom
Turns out it was a surprise training exercise on “handling extreme customer scenarios.” I passed—barely. But to this day, I flinch whenever I see a floral dress and a three-ring binder.
It started like any other Tuesday at "Silken Secrets," an upscale lingerie boutique where I’d worked for three years. I’d mastered the art of the professional gaze—focused on fit, fabric, and clasp tension, never on the customer’s discomfort. I could discuss underwire support with the clinical detachment of a dentist. I was calm. I was capable. Love, Karen from HR
Here’s a short, humorous write-up based on that title:
Before I could respond, she emerged wearing a translucent body stocking over her beige knee-high compression socks. She struck a pose. A customer screamed softly near the thong display. My manager peeked from the back room, then slowly retreated.
The lingerie salesman’s worst nightmare isn’t a rude customer or a faulty clasp. It’s a confident grandma with nothing left to lose—and an audience of one with a Ring light.
Then she walked in.